family – Management T̶h̶i̶n̶k̶e̶r̶ Linker

[5-Bullet Tuesday] Who is the most important person in your family?

Hi All,

Here’s your weekly dose of “5-Bullet Tuesday”, list of things I’m enjoying or pondering. Did you ever feel an unexplained, undiagnosed pain in the body? Well, it has happened to be several times now. I have realized that my achy back has a pattern – a direct correlation with my stress levels. So, before you swallow a pain reliever or head to a doc, try lightening up by getting yourself in a good mood. So, why not we focus on a few things which can pull up your mood.

Article I loved reading –

Who is the most important person in your family?

I bet if you’re a parent your answer would be that it is your child or children. But does that mindset help bring up the child the way you’d always wanted – a caring, responsible and one who’d take the family values forward?

According to Dr John Rosemond, having your child as the most important person in the family is the first step toward raising a child who feels entitled.

Show I watched —

Last week, Dinky emceed a Toastmaster’s event for an audience of over 400. #proud. Something like that surely takes a lot of courage but gives back a boost to one’s confidence. A confidence which brings in truckloads of energy to do things one never thought would be possible. One that raises your spirit.

One thing leads to another, and we also managed to watch our God (Sartaj’s) musical show despite several other urgencies.

And the show was more than just mesmerizing music, lights and an exhilarated audience. It was much more than just that. Much more. The entire experience taught us many big and small lessons some of which have been deciphered, some will be deciphered, and some will perhaps never be deciphered.

All I will say is: Thank you, Dr. Satinder Sartaj.

Negotiation tactic I learnt –

I dropped Dinky, my wife, to BLK hospital on the way back from Soha, our nine-year daughter’s parent teacher meeting. Soha and I were waiting in the car assuming it would take less than thirty minutes for getting doc’s advice for Dad’s growing health concerns. We were both keeping ourselves happily busy with eating the famous pasta we’d purchased from the school to singing to making vlogs. Then, Dinky called to say that there is quite a queue at the doc and it’ll take longer and that she things we should head home, and she’ll come back on her own. I kind of’ knew that in this situation it wouldn’t take longer than another 30 minutes and was insisting on waiting for her. Negotiation went in her favor when she said that Soha needs some rest and therefore I must understand. Now, the thing about negotiation is that when you don’t get exactly what you asked or wished for, you can ask for something else in return to make it a little better for you. I said, “OK, I’ll go now and drop Soha, but when you’re about to be done, give me a call and I’ll come to pick you. You have you agree to this if you don’t want us to wait now.”

Well, these negotiation tactics might work in boardrooms but not with your wife. She simply refused and declined my next call. Phew! 🙂

Anyway, within minutes of my reaching home, Dinky called back and said that she was done. Without much effort, she let me come to pick her up. Infact, she seemed keen on that now. My negotiation tactic worked after all. ♥️

Quote I’m pondering —

If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself but by your estimate of it; and this you have the power to revoke at any moment

– Marcus Aurelius

Was at the dentist’s cleaning for mom’s root canal. I was sitting nearby all through the procedure. Mom is extremely delicate in anything that can cause pain (she’s run away from orthodontist’s clinic when eyes dilation was suggested for basic eye checkups for example). As I was observing her, I realized that I have two choices to experience the suffering based on my (likely incorrect) estimation of her suffering or be detached from it while providing herself assurance that all shall be well. We’re almost programmed to seeing our loved ones go through pain but is really the time when they need you to remain calm and composed to be able to make rational decisions for them.

A new term I heard –

Exit interviews are passé, how about Stay interviews? Have you ever sat down with your best employees in one-on-one discussion and asked:

What makes you stay?
What’s the one thing that would make you leave?

It is a simple, powerful discussion that can help identify problems before they become reasons for quitting. Studies show that companies that conduct Stay Interviews enjoy a higher % of engaged, motivated employees – and their turnover is much lower. If nothing else, it will surely bring up the mood of both the boss and the employee.

I’m basically suggesting that getting oneself in a positive frame of mind both at home and work is that magic mantra which will relieve you not only of the stress but also those unexplained aches and pains. Give that a shot and see for yourself.

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[5-Bullet Tuesday] 15 Minute Family Ritual

Hi All,

Here’s your weekly dose of “5-Bullet Tuesday”, list of things I’m enjoying or pondering.

What I’m reading –

I recently read an article which claimed using 15 minutes daily in a certain way can change the course of your life over time.

I can’t agree more to that and have gained from that for several years. There are various things one could do in those 15 minutes, such as exercise, meditation, reflection or journaling.

However, I have often wondered that these are all best done alone and if there was something similar we could do together as a family that would be equally rewarding?

What family ritual are we following —

So, in addition to these 15 minutes alone, I now know a daily 15 minute ritual as a family that’s equally or perhaps even more rewarding.

I call it the Family Scrum Meeting – An informal way to understand what we’re all focusing on, what would make us happy or if there is somewhere we can help each other.

How do we spice up our 15 minute meetings –

Add some food for thought such as today. we started with sharing the origin of the idiom “Throw the baby with the bath water“. It brought many giggles and smiles as I explained the picture we see below.

Quote I’m pondering — Sohana, my eight year old daughter, shared a simple yet powerful quote in today’s Family Scrum Meeting:

Peace begins with a smile

What I learnt —

Tanav, my twelve year old son, shared that it would make him really happy if he studied with Mom or Dad. It was a pleasant surprise to know that he actually enjoys reading with us because he would hardly admit it otherwise.

PS: In the same meeting, Dinky, my dear wife, shared a beautiful idea – #LookForABook drive- Each one of us will identify a book that we’d like to read and then we would gift it to each other. That’s something nice to look forward to. If you have any book ideas for me, please let me know.

PPS: All the above was covered in less than 15 minutes. It was fun. Created memories. And most importantly, it brought us a little closer together as a family.

That is us, what about you.. What do you think about that idea? What other family rituals you follow that you think help strengthen your family bond?

I’ll look forward to hear from you. Until next time, Ciao!

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Your Guide To Actually Becoming Rich, Quick!

s I stepped out for a morning walk, I heard some shouts from the neighbour’s house. It was a heated argument between my neighbour and his beloved wife.

The husband screamed, “Yes, I called you that, because you have made life so difficult for me!” The wife was quick to retaliate sobbingly, “You will never understand what all I have to put up with. Thankless creature!“

Well, before you jump to conclusions, answer this:

When was the last time you had a quarrel with someone dear to you?

If it happened in the last few weeks, then perhaps you are not any better than my neighbour.

To be honest, neither was I.. until some time back.

Reality is that, when we’re under pressure, we all tend to become such nasty human beings who we otherwise abhor.

We say things we don’t mean. Curse our loved ones and regret later. Apologising later doesn’t help as the harm is usually already done. It’s hard and sometimes impossible to bring back the trust and bond we held earlier.

It’s only during these stressful times or crisis situations that our value system is actually tested. And unfortunately, that’s where we mostly fail.

Why does it happen?

That’s because even though we talk about family values all the time, rarely can we put a finger on it. Even fewer chances that we have it written down, in black and white. The idea itself might sound ridiculous to you.

No wonder then, that we miss the point, act weak or chicken out during the times we need to recall our values the most! After all, when all is going well, there is nothing at stake – we can easily remain respectful, honest and fearless. It is the difficult times which truly tests our character and value system which is built over time.

Not having our “values” on top of mind lets our natural instincts to take over when push comes to shove.

You may agree with me by now that it is important to clearly define family values. The next question is how to do so?

How about taking a cue from the Corporate Core Values. Every organisation’s HR does it’s best in displaying them, replaying them, and celebrating them. It’s done so that people make the decisions in line with the Organisation’s values when the time comes.

I do remember the core values for my employer. It’s likely you remember your’s too! It’s thanks to the several measures that are taken so that employees don’t forget these.

Isn’t it, then, a shameful irony, that although we remember our work values, we don’t even have any personal (family) core values.

Don’t get me wrong. Not for a second am I suggesting to take your work any less seriously. All I am saying is that a disproportionate weight-age is given to our personal lives and relationships which is generally equally, if not more, important to us.

I am proposing for you to create your Family Core Values. It addresses the HOW of whatever you do.

It took me some convincing at home for my family to come on-board with this idea. After that, we had a few family meetings to agree on what we value in our family. Here’s our list:

Courage over Comfort
Respect at all times
Honour ourselves to honour others
Integrity even when times are tough

Next morning, I put these on my blackboard and began thinking how to make this an easy recall. Before long, I realised that the initials in a certain order make the acronym RICH!

– Respect at all times

– Integrity even when times are tough

– Courage over Comfort

– Honour ourselves to honour others

That’s how we become a RICH family overnight.

I woke the children to tell them that we won a lottery.. we are now rich! Their little eyes opened with a ‘pop’. When I told them the acronym, they were exhilarated that our little family exercise had made us RICH overnight.

My five year old daughter suggested that we create a poster where we show our family values “RICH” inside a Heart shape and stick it in the play room. That would constantly remind us that we hold these values close to our hearts.

Well, that’s us. This was one of the best steps we have taken in this direction. Of course, we need to keep having displays, replays and celebrate our Family Core Values to reinforce it.

What about you, what is holding you back?

Take some time off and agree on your Family Values. Display them. Practice them. Celebrate them.

Don’t leave it to chance. This will make you RICH! Really really RICH! With something money can’t buy, and with something no one can ever take away.

Why You Need to Bring Your Office Home!

“What should be the frequency of this meeting?”

“How about once every six months?”

“No, that’s too less, we do need it at least once in three months.”.

Nothing unusual about that dialogue right?

Not until I tell you that is a conversation between me and my nine year old son, Tanav.

Yes, we do plan and have meetings at home. Just like office. In fact, I just finished a meeting with Tanav, my son (see below an earlier recording)

Office meetings are generally considered a waste of time, too lo..ng and boring. But no matter how much we complain about them, if they’re right way – they help in planning, reviewing progress and resolving issues. In acknowledging people for their work. Meetings are, indeed, an essential for any organization…including the home organization!

Strike the right chord and get insights that are impossible to get otherwise. You will discover a whole new person in your family member!

[bctt tweet=”Don’t live with strangers in the house all your life and call it a family!” username=”mohitsawhney”]

These meetings can take your relationship with your family on the growth trajectory .

Human mind is complex. It has inhibitions. It doesn’t share easily. Not even with people who are close to us! Expecting others to open up in a normal setting, is out of question. We have to book a time, a place and tell the participants (in this case our son or daughter or wife), that you need them there!

..And why just meetings? There is quite a lot of good stuff we need to bring home from office!

Organizations have a set of systems meant to make things happen smoothly and improve.

But home sweet home? Do we have any systems? If you’re like most people, your answer is a No.

In the absence of any system for family to be cohesive, performing and improving, we just rely on God Almighty to take care of our home affairs. But , God only helps those who help themselves!

“I am putting in all the efforts and time in office to earn and save only for the family.”, you might say.

Well, thanks but your family needs “you”. Your time. Now. Not later.

If you don’t give the time now, your connection with your folks is broken… forever!

Now, if you tell me: I really don’t have the time.

Okay, then here’s another tip: Go Lean.

Organizations are shouting about going lean: which means reducing waste. But your family organization? You are the CEO. Or co-CEO or whatever of that, no?

So get your act together and go lean. Here’s what I mean:

No Phone on Weekends. (basically this means using phone as a plain simple phone, that too if it’s absolutely needed!)
No TV on Mondays.
No Facebook App on the Smartphone. And yes, No Whatsapp too!
No Technology in the Bedroom.

You get the idea. Reduce the wasteful activities. That will make time for useful ones.

[bctt tweet=”Oh God! Today, give me the strength to say ‘no’ to things I may do only to regret later. ” username=”mohitsawhney”]

By the way, yours truly has done all of the above. Of course, one by one though.

When I shared the idea of a No Phone Day on Saturdays, it seemed impossible. Everyone resisted. Initial few weeks were tough. The cries and frustrations were all so visible on everyone’s faces. But soon, good things began to happen.

Tanav, my nine year old son, opened his bookshelf after ages! We have played several board games as a family. Not so long ago, he was hooked to Clash of Clans. We had no idea how to get him off!

And the best part was yet to come: Tanav, my son, loved the idea so much that he himself proposed to have Sunday’s too as No Phone Days!

A few months have passed, and Tanav has just recently proposed to have Mondays as No TV Days! Can you beat that!

Today is Day 1 of No TV Day. Excitement abound. Tanav is busy cleaning his study table, and Sohana, my 4 year old daughter, my bookshelf.

It’s going well. We haven’t switched on the TV. Not as yet. It’s not easy but we will face this challenge as a family.

..That my friends is Sawhney Family Organization going Lean. When is Your’s?

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Change Your Password Now!

Last Year was perhaps the worst year of my life. I went through a dark long patch of depression, followed by misunderstandings that strained relations with a loved one.

I felt betrayed and disillusioned. Whatever I was doing suddenly seemed so meaningless! I thought I was finished.

Thankfully things got better by the end of the year but I knew I had to do something to keep things on the path of recovery. We ourselves are responsible to a great extent for many problems in our life. Therefore, I had to mend my ways to make things alright and prepare for future.

After some reflection about what I was doing wrongly, I concluded that:

1. I was not being true with anyone. Not even with my own self!

2. I was negative and missing the “moments”.

3. I felt like a failure in life, no confidence left to reach for any new goals.

But what could I do? I had got stuck in a loop of guilt, doubts and fears. To make it worse, there was a pressure which made it even more difficult to get out of this trap – “What example am I setting for my children?“

How would I tell them to perform well at school and in life when I myself was feeling weak in my knees.

That’s when Dinky, my wife told me about THE SECRET.

“Think of WHAT you want to achieve, without worrying about the HOW. Invisible forces would make you achieve your desires.”

What did I want to achieve, I thought. Following popped-up in my head:

1. Resolve my fight with myself about who I am, who I pose to be and who others think I am. This is what Robin Sharma calls “The Integrity Gap“. Kill my Integrity Gap. Make it Zero (0)!

2. Stop running the rat race and savor the present, “the now“.

3. Have a higher self esteem and be in control. I was running negative on that, and it was just crushing me. I had to fall in love with myself, again.

Now that I knew I had to do these, would it work on its own? No! I had to remember these goals for them to settle in my head. And how would I do that?

I was looking blankly at my laptop screen, while thinking what do I do to achieve these little roadblocks just big enough to create a mess in my life. Suddenly the following dialog box popped up:

This pop-up gave birth to an idea in my mind. I changed my password to IntegrityGap@0.

From then onward, every time I unlocked my computer (which is dozens of times daily) using my new password, it was like a subliminal brainwash. Next 90 days allowed me to remove a lot of unspoken baggage I was carrying since many years! It made me a better person, one who was more at peace with himself. True to himself!

I couldn’t wait to change my next password. Changing passwords for security used to be mundane and irritating affair but now it had become a life changing ritual.

My next password was CelebrateLife@100%. 90 days focused on celebrating and being grateful for the moments God was blessing me with. Not thinking too much about the past and neither the present, just living in the moment. 90 days is good enough time to etch these ideas in ones brain.

Some say it takes 66, others say 21 days to form a new habit. Be on the safe side and go for 90 days which is the limit most organizations have before you must change your password.

While this helped, my low self esteem was still coming in my way to live life fully. That feeling that I was not good enough and the fear that someone would soon find out, was killing me.

My next password is, therefore, IAmTheBest#1 .

Like Magic, a few testimonials followed within the next few months. I became a certified interviewer at work, cleared a work interview to move into what I always wanted to do: Program Management et al.

Oops! Did I just share my current password with you?

Never mind, because 90 days come to an end today and it’s time for the quarterly ceremony to change my password again. You too are invited!

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