I believe we’re here for a reason, but I’m scared each day of every season, for clock is ticking fast, the baby we held is now our teenage son! what if I can’t find it (the reason) and die undone?
I am a writer, no a manager, crap… a painter, husband, papa and son, all combined into one but from all of the above, the sole reason for my existence can be none! what if I can’t find it (the reason) and die undone?
I seek God for an answer … isn’t seeking God itself the reason? I meditate: read Gita, Quran, Guru Granth and Bible I was so close to the answer but didn’t realize when it took me away from my dear ones
I was, after all, praying and reading from winter to fall paying little attention to anything else until my little two year old doll was hurt on her face.. so badly, hit with a ball that’s when I realized
I needed to come back to life, …my life. and play the roles, all of them, even if I master none I am a writer, a manager, a painter, husband, papa and son and if I do justice to each of these one There is no way I will die undone
I still believe we’re here for a reason, and I’m living each day of every season, playing all my roles well and having fun! Alas! I found it, I will not die undone!
“No, that’s too less, we do need it at least once in three months.”.
Nothing unusual about that dialogue right?
Not until I tell you that is a conversation between me and my nine year old son, Tanav.
Yes, we do plan and have meetings at home. Just like office. In fact, I just finished a meeting with Tanav, my son (see below an earlier recording)
Office meetings are generally considered a waste of time, too lo..ng and boring. But no matter how much we complain about them, if they’re right way – they help in planning, reviewing progress and resolving issues. In acknowledging people for their work. Meetings are, indeed, an essential for any organization…including the home organization!
Strike the right chord and get insights that are impossible to get otherwise. You will discover a whole new person in your family member!
[bctt tweet=”Don’t live with strangers in the house all your life and call it a family!” username=”mohitsawhney”]
These meetings can take your relationship with your family on the growth trajectory .
Human mind is complex. It has inhibitions. It doesn’t share easily. Not even with people who are close to us! Expecting others to open up in a normal setting, is out of question. We have to book a time, a place and tell the participants (in this case our son or daughter or wife), that you need them there!
..And why just meetings? There is quite a lot of good stuff we need to bring home from office!
Organizations have a set of systems meant to make things happen smoothly and improve.
But home sweet home? Do we have any systems? If you’re like most people, your answer is a No.
In the absence of any system for family to be cohesive, performing and improving, we just rely on God Almighty to take care of our home affairs. But , God only helps those who help themselves!
“I am putting in all the efforts and time in office to earn and save only for the family.”, you might say.
Well, thanks but your family needs “you”. Your time. Now. Not later.
If you don’t give the time now, your connection with your folks is broken… forever!
Now, if you tell me: I really don’t have the time.
Okay, then here’s another tip: Go Lean.
Organizations are shouting about going lean: which means reducing waste. But your family organization? You are the CEO. Or co-CEO or whatever of that, no?
So get your act together and go lean. Here’s what I mean:
No Phone on Weekends. (basically this means using phone as a plain simple phone, that too if it’s absolutely needed!)
No TV on Mondays.
No Facebook App on the Smartphone. And yes, No Whatsapp too!
No Technology in the Bedroom.
You get the idea. Reduce the wasteful activities. That will make time for useful ones.
[bctt tweet=”Oh God! Today, give me the strength to say ‘no’ to things I may do only to regret later. ” username=”mohitsawhney”]
By the way, yours truly has done all of the above. Of course, one by one though.
When I shared the idea of a No Phone Day on Saturdays, it seemed impossible. Everyone resisted. Initial few weeks were tough. The cries and frustrations were all so visible on everyone’s faces. But soon, good things began to happen.
Tanav, my nine year old son, opened his bookshelf after ages! We have played several board games as a family. Not so long ago, he was hooked to Clash of Clans. We had no idea how to get him off!
And the best part was yet to come: Tanav, my son, loved the idea so much that he himself proposed to have Sunday’s too as No Phone Days!
A few months have passed, and Tanav has just recently proposed to have Mondays as No TV Days! Can you beat that!
Today is Day 1 of No TV Day. Excitement abound. Tanav is busy cleaning his study table, and Sohana, my 4 year old daughter, my bookshelf.
It’s going well. We haven’t switched on the TV. Not as yet. It’s not easy but we will face this challenge as a family.
..That my friends is Sawhney Family Organization going Lean. When is Your’s?
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“What do you like reading?“, asked the interviewer.
“John Maxwell“, I replied (..well, I possibly have read more John Maxwell’s books than he’s written!).
The follow-up question came, “What do you like about John Maxwell?“
I froze.
I started babbling.
It was like losing in the home ground. Being beaten at something you always thought you were so good at.
Not that I didn’t know the answer, just that I didn’t know where to start.
I had a zillion thoughts run past my head instantaneously such as “Does he think that I am lying?“
Truth be told, I have suffered big time from job interview anxiety.
It was serious. So much that I would think that I am a gone case. The only one or the chosen one!
It’s a bit like when you’re sick and don’t know the diagnosis. You often think that it’s just you.. until you know more. Reality is that whatever you’re going through has likely been experienced already by someone somewhere.
However, I used to be so scared of the subject, that I would avoid talking about it. I would brush it aside if it ever came up. I was almost certain that there’s something wrong with me only. I kept it a secret because I feared being made fun of.
When I did, after all, opened up to talking about it, I realized that there is a world out there full of people who fear the interview: the interview phobics.
I know the feeling. You get blacked out, freeze or get defensive and eventually get caught in the trap of your own words. You feel cornered. You feel ashamed. You think that you have lost the golden chance. Guess what, the moment you have such feelings, is when it’s over.
If you can relate to this, read further..
Let’s take a step back: What is an interview anyway?
It’s the phenomenon of finding the right person for the job, and the right job for the person – It’s a two way street. a bit like finding a match in an arranged marriage.
When you are out looking for a match, would you look for someone perfect – most beautiful, with top education and a fantastic family background?
(If you are, then, at present the only person who’d fit the bill is Manushi Chillar. She’s Miss World 2017, studying MBBS and seems to have a decent family. But then, she’s too good to be true, for you, isn’t she?)
Or instead would you look for someone who is right for you? Someone who may not be (in fact should not be) perfect, but would adjust well to your life and circumstances. Remember, you aren’t perfect either.
Interviews are no different. They are seeking the right fit not the perfect one. So, you don’t have to be perfect. No one is! Just be yourself. Relax. Let go that feeling of being overwhelmed.
Besides, you are also evaluating them. It’s not a one way street. Not all the employers are right for you. Speak your mind, make mistakes but always give them the sense that you’re an equal. No marriage can ever happen with consent from one side. So, don’t act subservient*.
Tell your story, hear theirs, and yes, it’s okay to be nervous. I have been on the other side and trust me, both sides are!
So, next time:
If you notice them scrutinizing your appearance, mannerisms, do the same to them! Remember you’re here to decide too.
If you think you are not well prepared, check their readiness. Chances are they aren’t prepared either. Ask questions such as “Could you tell me more about your company culture?” or “Please explain the job requirement to me in detail“, or “Please explain to me the growth path for my role” or “What are the organization’s plans for 2018” or “How does the organization deal with personality eccentricities?” Yes, you have all the right to ask. Actually, you need to know some or all of this before you consent to marry.
Be authentic while being positive. Expect the same in return. If they are rude or cold, you are not be in right hands.
Pay attention and don’t be desperate. Remember it’s the marriage of equals. Desperation will only reduce the chances of developing a bond. Hopefully, you’ve been through college – Hard-to-get girls/ guys always had multiple proposals and could pick and choose. While the desperate ones (lots of names popping up my head), got only one thing – rejection.
Wait a second… is that the Shehnaithat I hear playing from a distance.
Amen!
REFERENCES/ NOTES:
*Subservient is a word that has stayed with me over the years. I first heard it around 10 years back in the context of onsite-offshore teams. The speaker strongly advised offshore teams to not to act subservient. It’s meaning as per Webster is: useful in an inferior capacity, subordinate, serving to promote some end, overly submissive
I remember my first meeting as a guest. The next thing I know is falling head over heels in love. Here’s why:
The Trust Factor: Each one of the role players was performing their role for the first time: Toastmaster or the Day, Timer, Ah Counter.. Unique and courageous idea. Is that even possible? And each one of them did so well that one couldn’t tell they were first timers until told! Putting that kind of trust in the members would have taken their confidence to another level!
Makes You Feel at Home: Speakers were free of fear– felt at home, perhaps even more than that. As if they knew they’re in a place where everyone is there to bring out the best in them.
Evaluation should be like your best friend’s advice – Rajendra Popli
Timings and Location: Excellent for me! Actually not just for me, working people and students will all prefer to attend the Sunday morning (1030 to 1230 hours) meeting. Besides the learning, it’s a great way to kick start and gain momentum on your otherwise lazy Sunday mornings.
Guests are Guests:
It was a pleasant surprise to win the Best Table Topics Speaker award. I didn’t even think I was eligible because usually clubs don’t consider guests for evaluations/ certificates / awards. But then these are the things that make this club unique. They made is so special for me (and for all guests!).
The acting President asked me and other guests to come on the stage and present the most important award – The Best Speaker Award. I haven’t seen that in any other club. It’s totally like TMWD stole my heart in a subtle and yet very genuine way.
The Little BIG Things:
I loved the fact that they offered snacks and drinks during the break. (Well, I know some clubs who keep you hungry!). Especially liked the fact that they had kept bottled water also (easily forgettable) because I don’t take sodas at all.
As I was stepping out after the meeting, I met the lady who played the Table Topics Master. I told her, “It was lovely to be here. You all were very welcoming.” She responded very matter of factly – – “That will be na. We’re family..” Then she added, ” I want to see you next time.” Her simple words have stayed with me.
Guests are referred as “Potential Toastmasters” instead of “Guests.” Yet another subtle and yet very powerful way of making guests feel a part of the ‘TMWD family.’
Lights are ON and Everyone’s Home!
The acting President indicated to me to enter the meeting only during applause. She was present. In fact everyone seemed to be so fully present.
I was encouraged to give a Table Topics speech. At the end of the meeting, guests were invited to say a few words. As I was thanking the club, the acting President said, “We’re honored to have you here!” I was floored!
Genuineness!: Everyone at the club is following and encouraging others to follow their dreams and passions. They’re all from different walks and in different seasons of life and yet they all exuded a strange genuineness. All trying to make the world a little better in their own small little way. It shows. It attracts.
I am blown with TMWD. Hats off!
In a Toastmasters world where clubs do many things to push you into joining them, here is a club that you will get naturally pulled towards. Attend a meeting as a guest and find out for yourself.
Meanwhile, TMWD folks, keep doing what you are doing. You are awesome!
Dad brought a street puppy home last week in the morning. It was a weekday, so Tanav, my 7 year old son, was out to school at that time. Sohana, my 3 year old daughter, was home though. She had a wonderful time. She goes to her playschool at 11 AM so there was enough time for her to play with this little guy.
By the time Tanav came home, Dad had already taken the puppy back to its mother. Sohana considers this even more fun because she had the exclusiveprivilege to meet with the pup, and Tanav missed it!
That’s how kids are. Actually, adults are no different, except may be us adults are worse.
Anyway, Sohana shared it with Tanav adding all the intricate details which left him heartbroken. He had missed out on all the fun!
So, Tanav was after Grandpa to bring the puppy again at a time when he was home. After some pestering, Grandpa decided to take the kids to show the puppies. Both Tanav and Sohana headed out with great enthusiasm.
When they returned, Tanav suddenly asked, “Where do we human babies get milk from?“
Apparently, when went there, the puppy was busy being nursed by its mother along with his other 5 siblings. That explained his curiosity.
Quite frankly, whenever such difficult question comes, the first reaction is to skirt it. It is a taboo topic afterall. That’s what we did too. He asked a couple of times, and moved on to something else.
Next day, as Deepti, my wife and I were going to work, we talked about it and decided that we should not ignore our little ones innocent questions. If we did that, he would ultimately stop asking us questions. In any case, children curiosity needs to be fed and he would look for answers from other people or places. We don’t want to take that risk.
In the evening, Deepti explained to Tanav, of course in an age appropriate way, how mums nurse and breastfeed their babies.
Kamasutra
Tanav even had counter questions such as, “Can a Mom feed someone else’s baby?” and “How long does a baby need to be breastfed?”.
It was difficult for Deepti to share this but we’re glad she did.
Just when we felt relaxed to have been successful in climbing a little parental hill, there was more coming.
Tanav was watching TV, a song was playing that had caught the little man’s attention. I knewsomething was brewing in his mind. Moments later he asked, “Papa, What is Kamasutra?“
Can you believe how easy it is to change a usual working day into one that we can cherish for times to come?
All it needs is a bit of effort and clear intention to make your relationship grow. My wife, Deepti and I drive back together from work. I was tired and worked up with my mind preoccupied with work related worries. What didn’t go well today, planning tomorrow and other usual stuff. Deepti asked me “Why are you taking a different route today?”
I had taken a turn towards Satya Niketan while we usually go via Dhaula Kuan.
Before I could answer, she added, “Is it because you want to take me out on a coffee date?”
I said, “Yes, of course!” (even though the reality was that I had decided to take the other route hoping there would be less traffic. )
I could have closed the little window of opportunity had I said, “Are you kidding. I have had a long day and I better get home and take some rest!)
On the way, to the coffee shop, we saw many young college-going couples. I wrapped my arms around Deepti the way some of those youngsters were wrapping theirs around their girlfriends. It felt great. I felt younger. All this sounds normal if you’re with your girlfriend or boyfriend, or if you’re recently married but not when you are married for 10 years, and have two small children. Generally, romance ends up taking a backseat and neglect takes the front seat as far as the partners are concerned.
Anyway, we went to Cafe Coffee Day that stands right opposite Venkateshwara college. Deepti ordered a Chocolate Brownie with a Vanilla scoop. I decided that we also have a Latte. We shared our coffee and brownie. We started talking and we got to know things about each other that we didn’t ever know. In fact, we shared a few things that we hadn’t shared with anyone else before!
Our high school days and how we felt in our adolescence.
It is Tuesday today, have to go to work tomorrow and have the rest of the work week waiting to be taken care of. We had stolen just one hour in a week which has taken our relationship in an upward direction. What a fantastic investment of time! All this started with a simple question. Not all days are like that or can be like that. But I think the question really is: Are we paying attention and looking for opportunities to change a simple, run of the mill kind of day into one that becomes a lifetime memory?
[bctt tweet=”Look for windows of opportunities that could change a usual day into a lifetime memory” username=”mohitsawhney”]
In our case, we do. Thank you God for that. Being intentional about this is half the battle won.
We don’t feel guilty for stealing some time for each-other. I was listening to a Barry Ham podcast today where he mentions that many parents give up on the relationship with their partners so badly that they start looking for a husband or wife in their children (for emotional support).
[bctt tweet=”Don’t look for a husband or wife in your children! – Barry Ham” username=”mohitsawhney”]
Strength of relationship and bonding between partners also gives children a better sense of security, peace and happiness. So, keep looking for opportunities to make your bond stronger. Wish ya the best!
