Category: Family

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Roses are red, violets are blue

A face like you, belongs in the zoo.

But don’t you worry, I’ll be there with you.

Not in a cage, but laughing at you.

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Do you know how you looked when you were a baby?

You probably don’t remember yourself, but I’m sure your elders have told you.

It was the 29th July 1990. It was a glorious day, just like today.

My Grandma and I were sitting in our veradah watching the slight drizzle outside. We often sat here and I used to excitedly listen to her stories of the times gone by.

But that particular day Grandma sitting on the white cane chair said something that changed my life for ever.

“I remember the day when you were born. I was in the kitchen making tea when the phone rang. It was a call from the hospital and the news of you arriving.”, she said.

I smiled and gestured for her to continue.

“Yeah, it was raining so heavily I was wondering if I should go by the car or take a boat to the hospital.”

“I reached the hospital, and before I saw your face, as our rich family traditions have it, I gave your mother an envelope full of money. Her work was done. And why not, after four granddaughters, I had a grandson.!

Then, I asked the nurse to hand you to me. I held you in my arms for the first time and then I looked at you.

I still remember, you looked like a perfect ugly duckling!!!”

And she laughed like there was no tomorrow. In fact there wasn’t. For me. Because it might have been her weird sense of humor but that moment was one when I felt as if I didn’t belong to my own family. 

But then, I consoled myself: After all, it doesn’t matter what people think you look like. What matters is what you think you look like!

Well.., every day from that day onward, I would look at myself in the mirror and all I saw was an ugly duckling!

That’s how I became an ugly duckling wholeheartedly. Now, my dear fellow beautiful ducklings, do you know what this ugly duckling wanted?

All this ugly duckling ever wanted was to belong. 

And thus started my longing for belonging. I wanted to belong. To anyone. To anything.

In school, I did well. With great difficulty, I managed to make friends. We were three of us – Rahul, Mohit and Nitin.

Do you want to know the kind of bond we shared? Yes?

Rahul used to hate me. Nitin hated Rahul. I hated both of them!

The entire school life.

A little price to pay for belonging.

In college, I did even better. You see, the girls with the beauty and the brawn didn’t think I even existed. But I still made many girlfriends. Do you want to know how?

Well, I would fall head over heels for anyone who would care to smile at me.

After all, I wanted to belong. To anyone.

A little price to pay for belonging.

But none of those relationships ever lasted. Because all those girls were completely useless. After all, how could anyone with any grey matter ever fall in love with an ugly duckling?

Even here, haven’t you noticed me trying to please you? I pleased people all the way to become the President of the Toastmasters Club of West Delhi.

A little price to pay for belonging.

There is nothing wrong with trying to belong. Don’t we all want to be a part of something greater than ourselves?

But we often try to fit in to belong rather than, stand out to belong.

There is just one thing I have learnt from a lifetime of quack quacks.

[bctt tweet=”True belonging happens not by fitting in, but by standing out.” username=”mohitsawhney”]

Not by trying to be like them, but by being your authentic self.

Yes, It’s a little scary standing out here, but the view is breathtaking.

Well, I’m still trying to belong. Do you think I belong to you, the Toastmasters?

Yes? 

Okay, then I guess the ugly duckling was right.

I met it in the mirror this morning, it said:

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Yes, roses are red Yes, violets are blue

Be you be true

Whether in the zoo Or in Honolulu

They have nothing else to do,

Those who laugh at you!

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Hi All,

Here’s your weekly dose of “5-Bullet Tuesday”, list of things I’m enjoying or pondering.

What I’m watching —

It’s the season of festivity and I’m no different when it comes to making the most of it.

Last Friday, my family and my sister’s went to see the Ramleela at Punjabi Bagh Club. This was a condensed version of Ramleela which is called Sampoorna Ramleela and completes in just four hours. 

Everyone loved it from the youngest to the oldest among us, their age difference being over 70 years. It was an amazing fusion of the latest technology and the customary style. The costumes and the music added to the overall aura of fun and excitement. 

 There is a takeaway for diverse set of people as each verse and poem includes a significant life lesson. 

 What puzzle I’ve solved–

As we were standing eating Chaat (famous Indian roadside snack) at the famous Chaatwala at Connaught Place, Sohana, my six year old daughter asked me a simple question:

Everyone knows smoking is injurious to health, it even causes cancer, but still people decide to smoke. Why’s that, Papa?

Why do people decide to smoke when it’s not good for their own self?

She was looking at the man at the Panwadi (betel seller) next to the Chaatwala smoking a cigarette.

Good question, I said.

She continued to look at me. The look on her face told me she was looking for an answer better than that.

So, I added, Yes, they shouldn’t!

But why do they decide to smoke? She reiterated.

I couldn’t think anything better, and said, Perhaps because they’re fools.

She said, He doesn’t look like one though Papa!

I looked at this smoker who I noticed was a well built man with decent looks.

Ok, pass!, I said, giving her a hand a clap, as if she had asked me a new riddle she had learnt at school to which I didn’t know the answer.

She was not impressed. And to be honest, neither was I!

Okay, I said and walked straight to this guy, and asked, Sir, my daughter and I’m doing a little survey. Would you like to participate?

He was a bit puzzled but gave me a nod.

I repeated Sohana’s question, Why did you decide to smoke when it’s not good for your own self?

He was initially surprised, then took another puff and whispered in my ear, To be honest, I started smoking because my Dad told me not to!

I smiled and told that to Sohana. She also laughed. But perhaps there was some truth in his statement.

We are mostly given instructions about life – Do this, Don’t do that. That’s it.

But has anyone ever taught you how to make decisions in your life? How to decide what to and what not to do?

Think of your own life: Haven’t you made decisions to prove something to someone or even to your own self?

Why?

Because you don’t know any better. You still make decisions, without having any process around it. And then, we complain that things are not going right for us -bad grades, career crisis, divorces and so on. 

Well, the root cause is the lack of an understanding of decision making process.

With that puzzle solved, you may want to know how to fill this gap, isn’t it? For that, read the next section.

Youtube video I’m in love with—

This video tells a short hilarious story to make a point. I will let you watch it and won’t play a spoiler but this will surely teach you a thing or two about how to improve your decision making skills, quickly.

Watch it when you have 6 minutes: 46 seconds to spare. It will be worth it.

New iPhone feature I discovered–

We went to this new restaurant last evening at East Patel Nagar, Delhi. It’s called Pinjore. It had such an amazing decor, good food, and fantastic service.

Everything that you can think of was simply great. They serve non vegetarian food and don’t serve alcohol.

We were nine of us and the bill was Rs. 3690.82 including taxes. That comes to around Rs 400 per person.

Not bad at all for the great time we had there!

So, when we were about to be done, the Bollywood songs that were playing changed to a Punjabi number. The mood was already set and the Punjabi music was the kinds that would make you want to get up and shake a leg.

Anyway, I wanted to know the Singer and Song so I could play that later in my car. However, I couldn’t catch the lyrics and asked my 11 year old son, Tanav, to ask the waiter or the restaurant staff.

In return, Tanav asked me for my phone. Then, he long pressed the round button on my iPhone to invoke Siri.

Siri appeared like the genie in a bottle.

Siri: What can I help you with?

Tanav, “Which song is this?”

Siri, “Listening…”

And then the magic happened, with the following screen appearing..

I tried this with several others songs, and have to admit that it has an impeccable accuracy.

I asked Tanav if this feature was available on Android as well. He humbly nodded.

Definition I’m pondering

Someone told me his definition of Hell:

Hell is your last day in this world, when the person you have become meets the person you could have become!                                            

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Hi All,

Here’s your weekly dose of “5-Bullet Tuesday”, list of things I’m enjoying or pondering.

Podcast I’m listening to –

For most of us, the only benchmark we have for family life and relationships is nothing more than our family. After all, we hardly spend any time at anyone else’s place.

So, whether it was good, bad or ugly, we can’t even tell with nothing to compare it against. When we grow up, we generally use the same bar to bring up our children and deal with family members.

That’s how life was for me in my growing up years. Like most parents, my parents were doing what they could do given the circumstances.

However, I often had this question, “Is there a better way..?”

My question was answered as I moved to stay at a relative’s place briefly when I relocated for work. There way was so different. Children would hug and kiss the elders in the morning; everyone would get together in the evening and talk about their successes of the day.

They encouraged each-other. There was no use of criticism and sarcasm. 

It felt nice. It felt like family.

Thankfully, these days there is enough opportunity to learn from others.

My favourite parenting podcast is one from Catchy and Todd, and it’s called Zen Parenting Radio. I listen on iPhone but I’m sure they’re on Android and you could listen directly from their site too.

They are young parents of three daughters and cover varied topicscandidly.

Well’ one doesn’t have to stay at someone’s place any more to know it there is an alternative way. Just tune in and it’s a free entry into the expert’s house.

Things I know to be true –

Well, that, “Things I know to be true”, is the title of a play I watched recently that completely changed my perspective about family and relationships. This play is about Price Family of four grown-up siblings and their parents all of who grew up together.

As life turns out, they all realize that even though this family was physically close, they hardly knew each other!

One of their sons confesses that he is transgender, which makes the parents feel devastated. They just can’t come to terms with this reality.

Similarly, certain secrets about the other siblings and the parents come as a shock for the rest of the family. It appears as if they didn’t even know their folks who they always said they loved so much.

The mother passes away in a car crash. She didn’t get a chance to reconcile the differences which had arisen due to the many turn of events.

There are quite a few lessons to learn from this very musical, very hilarious and very poignant play.

I watched it on Digital Theatre+. Well, yeah, not all good things in the life are free, so I have taken subscription.

Here’s a trailer for you.

 What I’m watching–

I recently saw the video of Otto Frank, the famous Anne Frank’s father.

One of the things he says in this video quite touched me. He says that, “Anne and I were very close and used to talk about everything under the sun. However, when I read her diaries, I discovered a very different Anne than the one I knew as my daughter. I didn’t ever know this side of her which was so serious and had such deep thoughts and feelings.“

Otto Frank claims in the same video that most people don’t really know their children.

Question for us is: How well do we know our kids?

What I’m doing—

While I’m fine if my kids keep a few secrets from me, but I don’t really want to be like Anne’s dad.

One of the things I have been doing for years, that’s worked for me, is what I call family interviews. I have it on my calendar to do these interviews monthly.

Doing these interviews helps me discover something new from my children. And it makes memories. Above all, it is fun! You may want to give it a try.

Here’s one interview I did with my son, Tanav who is now eleven. At the time of this interview, he was four years old. (See it when you have 2 mins: 44 secs.)

Quote I’m pondering —

“I believe no man was ever scolded out of his sins.”— William Cowper

That’s for spouses and parents who think that scolding and shouting is the way out of the everyday problems. It may be the easiest, but certainly the least effective way to bring about lasting change.

If, for example, you scolded your spouse for drinking or smoking excessively, what you’re teaching them is to continue to do it while just being cautious not to let you know.

One must connect emotionally to bring about sustainable behaviour change and develop stronger relationships.

            

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